Fight cankerworm! Let's All Band Together!

Hello Neighbors!
This is Squishy the very hungry Cankerworm. Bet you have forgotten how Squishy and millions of his relatives defoliated our lovely trees last Spring. Yards and yards of sticky filaments blowing through the air, little green worms in your hair, down your shirt, in your food if you were foolish enough to attempt dining al fresco. And just think, of all the millions of cankerworms, at least half were female. And each one of those will lay millions of eggs in the tops of our trees this November and December, unless...

Yes! We must all band together. (corny I know, but not my cliche). If you band, but your neighbors don't, your money and efforts will be wasted. If your neighbors band, and you don't, then you, my friend are responsible for the 2nd year of record cankerworm infestation in Charlotte, and consequently the third, after which all the beautiful big oaks will die. Damaged and dying trees drop large, heavy limbs, possibly on children or pets playing beneath. Do you want to be responsible for death and destruction? So please!!!! Everyone, band your trees.

For a pamphlet on ways to fight cankerworms, call the city landscape management office at 704-336-4262.

Avast! Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Well, yo ho ho(completely meaningless articulation) me hearties (my friends, mi amigos, y'all). Ahoy there to ye.(Hello to you, hola, haay)In honor of TLAP day, this will be a piratical post. To avoid confusion, pirate terminology will be in bold face, and translations in English, Spanish, and Southern will follow, in that order, so everybody can understand. Just kidding. I'd have to hire a linguist. I don't speak Southern. (he he he haw he haw!)

By now you all have heard about "the incident" on Hampton. On 9/17, a youngish man described by a witness as skinny, medium height with blue eyes and reddish almost shoulder-length hair... wearing a baseball cap and a dark-colored t-shirt, long pants and work boots...truck was new-looking, tan/brown, and kind of "souped up" with some type of metal poles (exhaust pipes?) sticking up behind the cab, stopped on the street, got out with the engine still running, and approached 2 young boys playing outside.

Please be on the lookout for this bilge-sucking blaggard (dirty villain, el diablo, varmint), and hopefully soon we'll have his lights and liver (rip out his lungs and liver), after which we'll teach the filthy chumbucket (bucket for holding unwanted fish parts) to dance with Jack Ketch (hang) and send him to Davey Jones's Locker (the bottom of the sea). Watch your children while they are playing outside. Know where they are at all times. Check out radKIDS, a site devoted to teaching children what to do in the event they are approached by a predator. Don't forget on October 26th, Ed Smart, father of Elizabeth Smart (the girl who was kidnapped from her bedroom in Utah) will be speaking at Myers Park Baptist Church.